Letting Go
by Luna Moon
Summary: Set after OotP. A war rages in the Wizarding World of which Harry refuses to take part in. Without Harry, everyone knows they cannot win the war. Can they pull him back from depression?


Disclaimer: Not mine. Belongs to the wonderful woman herself, who has delivered to us the long awaited fifth book. JKRowling.  
  
A/n: MAJOR SPOILERS!!!! If you haven't read the fifth book yet for some odd reason and want the plot to be kept secret, why the hell are you on this website?!  
  
Chapter One- Alone  
  
Harry twisted and turned in his bed, flinging his arms from side to side. Under his breath, the word 'Sirius' was heard frequently on nights like these. His death had been hard for Harry to cope with and the deep wounds left in him had barely begun to heal.  
  
It was just two weeks into the summer holiday and Harry had already started to see the drastic changes in his life. Everything at the ministry was in an uproar. People around the country were panicking and afraid of the coming war. Dumbledore himself had stationed aurors discreetly around both Hogwarts and Privet Drive. But others things had changed as well. Including Harry.  
  
Never before had Harry felt so alone. Even before the days when he had come to Hogwarts, he had never experienced loneliness like this before. It was like he was standing in a large white space, with nothing and nobody around him. Nobody to talk to. Nobody to help him escape his depression. It seemed that after Sirius' death, Harry's mind had come to an immediate halt. Nothing mattered anymore. Sirius had gone.  
  
Every night since he had returned to the Dursleys, Sirius' death had repeated itself over and over again inside his head. He had tried to see if sleeping could make the images go away, but it only made them worse. Visions of Sirius' dead body behind the veil in the Department of Mysteries flashed into his mind, turning his dreams to nightmares. There was no way to escape it. No going back. Harry wished more than anything that he could just turn the clock back and stop Sirius from coming to the Department of Mysteries altogether. But he knew it couldn't be done. Not without messing up all the events that occurred afterwards.  
  
Tonight was no different. The same images. The same feelings. It made Harry feel as though he was spinning round on an endless Merry-Go-Round. And again, Harry jerked in his fitful sleep, unable to escape from inside his mind.  
  
In his dream, Harry moved forwards so that he was standing on the stone dais, in front of the strange black veil. Tentatively, he reached out a hand and pulled back the flowing material, revealing nothing but blackness. It was as if someone had taken a large paintbrush and painted everything black. It was just a black void, reaching on and on as far as Harry could see.  
  
Yet not everything was black. A few feet away, lay a person who was a white as marble. Harry didn't seem to mind that this person was lying on black air as though it were solid. He squinted his eyes to see who it was and got the shock of his life when the person stirred. One pale hand twitched and moved.  
  
Harry took a few steps back, watching silently. The person heaved them self up so they were in a standing position and turned to face Harry.  
  
'Harry?' Sirius' mottled, pale face said in a croaky voice. A dried trail of blood ran down the side of his shrivelled neck.  
  
Harry tried to scream but found his voice no longer worked. Sirius' body moved towards him, arms outstretched.  
  
'Harry? What is it?" Sirius' voice sounded distance, almost insane.  
  
Harry took another few steps backwards and tripped, landing on the cold stone with a hard thump, his eyes still on Sirius' hollow face.  
  
'Don't worry, Harry. I'll look after you, I'm your Godfather,' Sirius said, a small smile crossing his features, 'I can forgive you for murdering me. I promise I'll never be angry.."  
  
Finding his voice again, Harry opened his mouth and screamed at the top of his lungs.  
  
Sirius and the veil vanished completely and, in his bedroom at the Dursleys, Harry's eyes jerked open, waking at last. His heart thumped loudly in his ribcage and he was trembling. He breathed deeply for a few seconds then looked up and surveyed his surroundings.  
  
He was sitting on the wooden floor of the Dursleys spare bedroom with his bedspread twisted around his legs. Putting both hands on the floor, he tried to pull himself upright but tripped and fell again. Getting angry with himself, he ripped off the bedspread off his legs and threw it as hard as he could across the other side of the room. Gritting his teeth, Harry yanked himself up and put on his glasses.  
  
Warm rays of sunlight were streaming through the windows, creating strange golden shapes on the floor of the room every time the trees in the garden swayed slightly. Outside, Harry could hear the happy, cheerful voices of a family across the street, discussing where they could go for a picnic. And downstairs in the kitchen, Harry could hear the three Dursleys talking jovially about the weather today.  
  
Harry walked up to his window and leaned against the frame, closing his eyes and letting the sunlight spread over him. If only he could be a normal, happy people like the residents of Privet Drive. He would be a part of a loving family who cared for each other and never had to worry about things like survival or war.  
  
Suddenly, a strange sensation came over Harry. All of a sudden, he felt an immense jealously for the family across the road. They were happy and carefree. They had each other to lean on and who did Harry have? Nobody.  
  
Harry clenched his fists then whipped around, flinging out an arm and throwing his bedside table across the room to join his bedspread. He was livid with jealously and hate. He hated everyone and everything. He hated Ron and Hermione for having a family of their own. He hated Remus Lupin for holding him back when Sirius had fallen behind the veil. He hated Albus Dumbledore for not telling him the truth. He hated Sirius for leaving him on his own. Alone.  
  
* * *  
  
A/n: Well, there it is. My first story set after the events of OotP. I hope it turns out better than my other fics.  
  
See yas! ;-) 


End file.
